26 May Three Love Lessons From The Movies
Three Love Lessons From The Movies
I knew we weren’t serious but he made promises, and he told me beautiful things, and I had hope. Now I felt like some throwaway second option because his ex came back. I came home that night and I jumped into the shower because I didn’t know what else to do. I felt all this pain in my chest and I was surprised because I couldn’t believe that I was so sad. I couldn’t understand it because this seemed like something so insignificant to be sad over. I called my friend and I talked to him about it all night. He told me I had every right to be sad, “It’s almost like infidelity because when you date someone you’re suppose to give your best and already in the first week he’s shown you everything”. My friend asked me, “And if he chose you, and you guys were together, wouldn’t it still burn you after 2 or 3 years that it started out like this?”.aff..com The answer was yes, but I was so devastated that someone I had invested so much of my feelings into could do this to me. I wanted it to end another way. I wanted him to want me. I didn’t want this to happen. I told my friend about how I was looking at a bottle of wine laying in my apartment and how hurt I was when I looked at it. Just before I left Australia, I saw it in a bottle store, and I bought it because the picture on the label looked exactly like a particular Frenchman I was talking to.
I brought it all the way over to Paris so that I could give it to him. Now it’s sitting in front of me and I doubt he’ll ever see it. What burns me the most is that he doesn’t hurt like I do. I know what it’s like to be him. I know what it’s like to have options and to have people want you and to not care that you’re hurting someone. I’ve been there and I’ve done that and it burns me that it’s happening to me now. All I wanted to do was beg him to be with me but I didn’t. I knew the result would be the same whether I begged him or not. He would never choose me. So instead I carefully constructed what I would say to him to let him know that what he was doing was selfish and unkind. This morning I sent him a text that said: “ I could tell you how I feel about you, but I won’t. I think it should be clear already.
I take relationships seriously. It doesn’t matter if I’ve been dating someone for a week or a year. The principle of respect stays equivalent. So when you tell me you’re thinking of getting back together with your ex, it’s hurtful. It’s sad, because a week ago, I had hopes, because we spent all that time talking. But I’m not interested in waiting around while you think about your ex. I’m not looking to be someone’s second option. If that’s the actual situation, tell me now and we can be done.” He’ll probably text me something back like, “Babe, I’m sorry, but yes, it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore”. He probably penned it in a nonchalant and cavalier way with not a second thought put towards it. It burns me to think about it. It hurts me in an unbelievable way. I wish that this situation was some how my fault so that there was something I could control. However, it’s entirely his fault, and there’s nothing I am able to do other than tell him about my disappointment. Sometimes I feel like I’ve come so far.
I feel like I’ve changed and that I’ve grown and that I no longer need the validation of a man. Of course, it’s true, but then in moments like this, I still can’t push away the sadness of being rejected. I can’t stop thinking about what he’s saying to his ex, about how excited they must be to be together again. I can’t stop thinking about how this isn’t my story but it’s their story. After 6 years, they’re back together again and I was just some sorry girl who liked him at the wrong time. All of this burns me to my core. To be the second option is the most painful thing someone could possibly go through. I want to be okay but I know that it’s fine for me to be angry. It’s fine for me to be sad. I just wish that the sadness would pass quicker.
I wish that I learned all that I needed to learn already. I wish that we could skip to the end where I’m wiser and I’m unbroken. So if there’s anyone out there googling what it’s like to be disappointed after someone brutally dumps you for their ex, I’ve gotta say, I don’t know how to fix it. I just know what it feels like. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin22 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: disappointment, ex girlfriend, first date, ghosting, rejection Dating bloggers read other dating blogs. And dating gurus watch other dating gurus.
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One Holy Grail of a dating guru man is Matthew Hussey.
His advice is both cathartic and chilling. Direct but compassionate. He described something so eye-opening: “Attention isn’t the same as Intention.” In his video, he described two situations in which spanned different lengths and intensity. Both were different, but at their cores, they portrayed the same result. They demonstrated that attention, whether that be someone’s investment, time, money, energy, and emotion, can all be fruitless if there’s no intentional motivation for that seed to grow and blossom. You can feed and feed something, but if you have no intention of reaping from is it, is it worth it? Someone and/or both people can enjoy the moment- yes, that’s possible. You can bathe in the sun and revel in that momentary bliss- if that’s what you want.topadultreview.com But only if you want to.
Matthew Hussey also asks in his video, “Can you do X, Y, and Z, and still be happy with it, without it turning into nothing else but a happy memory?” If the answer, is “yes,” then do it. Both situations, the long and the short, the intense together with gradual, happened for both of me personally. I just got out before more ‘spoilage’ could result. I had dated a guy called ‘A’ casually for 1.5 months and more seriously for another month before he had to move. It was abrupt and I was overwhelmed with loss. Even after we parted, we still missed each other and were obviously still into each other. For the next half a year, we still checked in each other’s lives and ironically, got even closer though we were hundreds of miles apart. That summer, I decided to consult with him. What culminated was the intense. We had spent a continuous week-long vacation together where he lived. We slept together, ate together, traveled together, woke up together, and basically, lived together. We went to new sites and made experiences utilizing the drop back of stark nature around us. It was phenomenal. And risky.
But it was worth it to me to have those memories. But after I came back, I felt my expectations creeping up and my longing swell. I wanted him to come back to me, where I was. And I told him so. But he didn’t. I was utterly heartbroken- a third time. I had given attention and wanted intention. The next story, is interwoven with the previous story. While I was in this situationship with ‘A’, I had met ‘B.’ Obviously, he’d be my archetypical rebound.
But he wasn’t. We had deep conversations and I opened up about ‘A’ to him. And I was honest about my emotional fragility and where I was in the process. And our intimacy had unique sphere. We doted on each other. We had a long, gradual, and good thing for 7 months. He lived an hour away from me and we had different schedules, but we always made time for each other so I thought attention was enough… I, however, deep down knew, I kept him, right at arm’s length; I lacked intention. Just at the point, where I knew I wanted more, when I was falling for him and ‘A’ was no further in my heart, was when ‘B’ pulled out. I received attention and did not want intention, till much later, much too late. Neither was ideal.
Both people need to receive and give attention and both need to have the intention. Intention without attention is an empty promise. Attention without intention is an empty relationship. Both experiences, however, deepened my understanding of what I truly want. It also made me also learn not to overestimate attention as intention, and as well, that intention can’t carry everything. So readers, if you must receive, receive intentionally. If you must enjoy, enjoy freely. If you must give, give attentively. But if you must love, love attentively and intentionally. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!
Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook8Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Relationships, Self Tagged in: #relationship #love #passion #ideas, #selflove #keeper #relationship #love Furries. The closest you can get to bestiality without breaking the law. In the classy tradition of the Urban Dater, we included “Yo Mama” in today’s post title. I know, I know; pretty effing brilliant! Right? No? Well, yo mama’s so ugly that Nabisco uses her face as a cookie cutter in order to make gorilla cookies. I snicker a little bit every time, when I recite this one.
Thanks to Mr. Summers, at F*cking in Brooklyn. Anyway, much has been made of Fetishes in the last month or so by the good folks at @metanotherfrog and the Lovely @winkwinkzoe, on her blog. It’s an interesting topic because fetishes are something we all have, whether we’re aware of them or not. The variable here is the, how to say this PC? The variable in one’s fetish is the uniqueness. There. Did I do that well? It got me to thinking about what mine, might be. While I mentioned the good folks at Met Another Frog, it seems I share a common interest with The Man Sam Sharpe and the inherent love we have for a little pain with our pleasure. That’s not too far available to you, but, let me tell you, there’s some weird fetishes out there.
The question I pose is this: Why do we have them?
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Think about your fetish. What is it? Go on, you don’t have to share with us or anything, but I’d double dog dare you to! That said, in talking with Zoe Blue she’s known some guys with some very unique fetishes in on of her posts she expands on this. I suggest you read it together with comments, too, for some more good stuff. It’s interesting finding out the things that “get us off,” if not a bit (or acutely) creepy; but hey! Who are we to judge? I mean, we don’t necessarily CHOOSE our fetishes. Do we? We’re slaves to nature. No matter how modern, advanced or techie we become, we simply cannot ignore the urges imprinted within us during our formative development. To be clear, I do believe that fetishes and fantasies are two very different animals, so to speak.
I think a fantasy is something you develop over time, as you’ve matured and are able to interpret and apply sexual meaning to something you perceive. A fetish on the other hand is something you just have; it’s something that you may not realize when it started. I posed this question to some of my friends and asked: “Do you have a fetish?” They all answered “yes.” I then asked when they decided to have that fetish. None of them had an answer. They just had it, much like a birth mark. I found that interesting only because I am able to relate solely to that, yet I’d never paid it much thought before. The other night I was hanging out with my girlfriend at a birthday party. There was this guy there, Raffi (should you want to think that Raffi is the children’s song writer, then by all means, please do. It serves only to make this story all the more creepy, which I totally approve of), who works as a sexual behavioral analyst at UCLA Medical. Thank you UCLA for having this position!
As Raffi and I were exchanging stories about sexual related information and experiences (this was within ten minutes of “What’s up? I’m Alex”) we got onto the topic of why you sometimes find women wearing barely any clothes at the bar or club. Raffi offered an interesting stat line: “It ‘s a statistical fact that the women who are wearing barely anything at the bar or club is the woman who is most likely ovulating.” Truly Raffi’s info was a “The More You Know” moment ripped from the Saturday Morning Cartoon time slots of more innocent days… My point? We’re slaves to nature. No matter how modern, advanced or techie we become, we simply cannot ignore the urges imprinted within us during our formative development. We moved on to fetishes next. Why do we have them? At some point in our lives, almost certainly in our developmental stages, as children, we experience a particular event and some how attach a strong sexual emotion, or some sort of sexual context to it. This was the explanation that was given to me. Thus the response to a fetish triggers such a strong reaction, almost like the smell of a grandparents house, when you’re a kid. It’s “baked” within you. So in Zoe’s case, her guy that has the knitting fetish, Talib, may not know of anyone who knits in his life. However, there’s a very possible possibility that his curiosity and eventual fetish started at a very young age. It’s certainly possible he may have associated the act of knitting with a foot fetish as a small child, which developed over time. I know when I was a child I had such a fetish, which didn’t follow me into my adulthood.
I find that curious in and of itself. As a kid, I horse played and wrestled around with other kids. That’s what rambunctious kids do. As a child it’s likely that I associated this act of wrestling around with girls in a sexual manner, even though I clearly wouldn’t know how to interpret such a thing in the first place, at that age. Is that how we all develop a fetish? I couldn’t say for sure, but in the brief interviews I had with my friends, the evidence I built-up would certainly indicate that they formed their fetish as children and it then manifested itself over the passage of time. So, are you brave enough to fairly share your fetish and when you recall your first strong reaction to it? Share in the comments below.
Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides, Sex Tagged in: fetishes, kinky, Sex, sexual behavior This post contains sponsored link(s) from Digital Anvil Being into a relationship with the one person is one of the most difficult commitment anyone will ever have to go through. The hard work needed and the trust involved to keep that boat floating are second to none, putting people under a lot of pressure on a daily basis. And it works for most people who take that leap of faith, gambling their life away under the assumption that their partner will stay faithful and committed to them for the rest of their lives. And while some people will find happiness in finding the right life partner, this sort of lifetime commitment can also bring some very long-lasting moments of unhappiness. This can be especially true when someone goes into marital bliss with the wrong mind-set. After all, marriage ought to make both people stronger, not weaker.
Emotional fulfilment Being in a lifelong relationship will bring the practical satisfactions of being in a partnership, in a similar way that team work can bring satisfaction by accomplishing certain objectives.In the case of lifelong couples, most of those objectives revolve around the concept of having a family and bringing up children to succeed their parents. Whilst this objective can lead to great emotional rewards, the day-to-day work that comes with a family can leave some people to feel unfulfilled because a lot of attention is taken away from them and directed towards the functional aspect of running their family. This is why some people suddenly feel unwanted or even unappreciated, which can lead them to start craving attention from other people, even another potential partner. Small gestures become much more important to show one another that you each care. There’s still only 24 hours in a day, but it really does make a difference when you can take a minute to show each other you care. Lifelong sexual satisfaction? Staying with the one person for the rest of one’s life means having to take the time to be creative and imaginative in bed. Having a sexually fulfilling life is one of the toughest aspects of staying with equivalent lifelong partner, and a deteriorating sex life can add a lot of unhappiness and frustration into people’s daily lives. And let’s face it, people can get bored pretty quickly. This is a situation where partners need to take the time to communicate about those sort of things, but it are difficult to find the time and the head space to talk about sex when managing a busy family life.
and undoubtedly the fact that a busy house doesn’t give much room and privacy to have a bit of fun. Cheating vs splitting up Overtime, some people will build up enough frustration and resentment that their daily coupled life starts become a living nightmare which they feel they cannot escape. This can induce the advent of the unfaithful husband who seeks other partners during his work travels, and also steer women towards becoming the bored cheating house wife. Cheating does feel like a morally right thing to do, but maybe it could be a necessity for some to re-balance their happiness. Splitting up from a long-term relationship are far more damaging for some families than the occasional discreet fling. As with everything in life, it really depends how people do things. If there is little maliciousness and if people are discreet, maybe having an affair can ease a bit of pressure from their shoulders, making their family life more pleasant and easier to manage. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…
Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Advert, Online Dating Tagged in: affair site, Dating, marital affair You’re pumped. Your profile is complete! You pluck your top five selfies from your phone (even though they’re all in the same bathroom mirror, but whatever, at least that ab pic is in there.) Check. You let the ladies know, in your two-sentence profile, you already have “plenty of options” and you’re just doing this “online thing” for fun (since you were told to be cocky in your profile by that self-proclaimed, online guru pick-up artist guy you paid $19 due to their e-zine… what was his name again?) Check. You didn’t want to look too invested (or desperate), so you skip filling in the “Books I’ve Read” or “Places I Recently Traveled” sections. Boring! Check. Two weeks later, you stare in horror at your two “winks;” one from the girl with absolutely no pics and the words “hi msg me for more” floating in an abyss of empty sections and stats, and the other from the cryptic goth chick who talks about lighting rainbows on fire and playing dead in public places for fun. Sound familiar? Fortunately, regardless of what you look like or how much money you make, not only is there someone out there for you, but someone attractive you’d kill to go out with is praying for someone like you to reach out to them! Yes! All you’ve got to do is get back to being yourself and marketing that self effectively. 1. You’re Writing What Everyone Else is Writing Briefly visit 5 other men’s profiles similar in age to you. Do you see a pattern?
You’ll see short, skimpy profiles that talk about going to bars to have fun and looking for a “laid-back” situation with a girl. It’s staggering how many guys promote themselves in this exact way. Be humble, be bold, and most importantly, be fresh! 2. Your Profile is Riddled With Grammatical Errors This should be obvious. Run spellcheck on a word processor before you import your text to your profile. Triple-check it for spelling and punctuation. Neglecting this one alone could well keep you alone. 3. You’re Not Telling a Good Story A good story is fun and unpredictable.